A light blue button down shirt. A pair of grey slacks. Brown dress shoes that have uneven shoelaces because I'm a complete oaf and always pull the laces too hard when tying my shoes causing them to snap. A lovely Shinola watch that my wife gave me as a wedding gift. A thin brown belt with a few teeth marks from my menace of a Welsh Terrier. Scratched up glasses and a shaved face that really highlights my double chin. It's with great sadness, displeasure, and regret that I inform you that I am back in the office.

You know how they say life comes at you fast? Well life came at me like the Mad Max Tatra T815 War Rig careening downhill and blasted me square between my eyes catapulting me not into outer space, not into hell, not somewhere far away but rather to a place I loathe the most... the cubicle.

A week ago I was riding on a horse with my closest friends and family dancing to Punjabi MC. A week ago I was cloggin' with The Shark and Taylor as "Misbehavin" blared through the dance floor speakers.

A week ago I was burying White Claws at Dierks Bentley's Whiskey Row in Scottsdale like Salim Stoudamire buried 3s. Now I'm here in the office. Sitting at my desk, making small talk about Elon Musk's twitter and rotating between bathroom breaks, coffee breaks and snack breaks to kill time. I'm also writing this blog at my desk because there are some items in the CBB world that we need to address but it also makes it look like I'm typing furiously/working hard. So what'd I miss:

Jay Wright retires

Insert the little brainbuster emoji. I don't think anyone saw this coming. The Shark seems to think there's something rotten in the state of Villanova and he may be on to something. Abrupt retirement? Kyle Neptune as the successor? No real gameplan it doesn't seem?

But on the flip maybe this is exactly what Villanova wanted. You could argue this is very on brand for Jay Wright and Villanova. They aren't a flashy school. They just get the job done and win games with no hullabaloo, drama or intrigue. They're pretty vanilla. There's a wordplay opportunity there so I'll let you choose.

When Kris Jenkins hit that game winner, Jay Wright just walked straight to Roy Williams as if his guy hit a game winner in a preseason scrimmage. Didn't go berserk or anything. No Valvano looking for someone to hug. Just kept it moving. That's how his retirement was. No drama, no cinema, no leaks squeeked outside of the Wildcat walls. Ironically, news of his retirement broke during one of the Celtics home games where Coach K was in attendance. ESPN kept showing K because he was there to see Tatum & Kyrie but it was so perfect because he went on a year long retirement tour and then there is Jay Wright shocking everyone by saying it's a wrap in about 20 minutes.

I have this fear that Jay Wright isn't going to be remembered as he should. I am terrified that we're not going to remember him as a true college basketball coaching titan. A man who ran the Big East with an iron fist. A man with multiple national titles and Final 4s. A man who recently has developed some of the most reliable NBA players (Bridges, Brunson, Lowry, Hart et al). Jay Wright will be missed on the sidelines. Also how the HELL has Boeheim outlasted all of these guys. Go be a family man.

Hunter Dickinson & Caleb Love are back

Large news here as Dickinson comes back for year 3 and Love comes back to the runner up. This is huge for Michigan because Dickinson is one of the best bigs in the entire country and I feel like he's going to have a serious burnin' in his belly. He's experienced big success as a Freshman. He's experienced a rocky season in year 2. He now knows this is the time for him to completely take over and make his case for NPOY. If I had to make a prediction on who wins that award I'm going with Hunter.

Love and Bacot back to UNC has a lot of people clamoring that the national title will run through Chapel Hill. I'm not ready to say that. They had a wonderful run in the tournament but they were an 8 seed. Let's remember that. Their overall body of work was pretty inconsistent. They certainly have the experience, but I'm not ready to say that they're going to run through to the Final 4. A lot of people are comparing them to UCLA from this past year. I don't really buy that either. UCLA in the PAC 12 is not the same as UNC in the ACC. It's stiffer competition down there. I just don't know why we even bother with these hot takes. It's college basketball, the most unpredictable sport in the world. Rothstein said Purdue should go undefeated at home and they couldn't even beat Saint Peter's.

The Portal

I'm gonna level with ya... there's just way too many names entering the portal and going to these different teams. I truly can't keep up and I'm a little too lazy. Tweeting theat and checking The Score app every two seconds took a toll on me and to be fair, we're only 3 weeks or so removed from the season. With that said, I see that PC & Arkansas are making some big waves. What a difference a year can make. Ed Cooley wins NCOY, gets the team to a Sweet 16 and outside of UNC, put up the biggest challenge to the national champs. That is more than enough for high level transfers to come to the Ocean State.

Then there's the Muss Bus. This guy is just a WHORE for the Portal. I mean my God, Musselman there's only so many spots on a roster! Is he building his own Arkansas G league team down there? That said, you can't really argue with his results. He beat Gonzaga this year en route to ANOTHER Elite 8 but I'll tell ya what- he's gonna have to break through to a Final 4 very soon here. Otherwise we could see him go the way of Sean Miller. Remember Sean went to a couple Elite 8s but never got over the hump. Musselman needs to do that because this upcoming Arkansas team, on paper, is his best yet.

Jon Scheyer can 'cruit

It appears that Mr. Scheyer can charm the socks off these young recruits and get them to Durham. Many were skeptical of kids committing to Duke after K left but Jon Scheyer is certainly bringing them to campus. The question is can he coach them? Duke has had a ton of talented teams in the past but arguably the greatest coach to manage basketball talent (see Olympics) is no longer there. I think Scheyer's first order of business is beating UNC. I said it after the Final 4 game but there really is no coming back for Duke in that respect. It's the all time trump card. But beating UNC as a rookie head coach would be a decent start for him and the school. Nationally it won't matter to guys like me but the Dukies may need that little crumb.

I'm sure I missed other happenings but you'll have to excuse me, I have to go pretend to care about what my coworker has to say about what the Bears are gonna do at pick 39. Pray for me.